Advice for dads-to-be

I’m on a boys trip right now.

I was just asked by a dad-to-be what advice I had. Here’s what I (and a few others) shared…

1. Get therapy for your wife (pre- and post-natal). If she feels supported and mentally strong, you’ll both be better parents.

2. Your job is to take care of your wife—she’s carrying your child and doing things you can’t. By handling diapers, feeding, and household tasks, you show love through action and keep her from burning out. A supported mom can give more love to your baby.

3. Your wife will change—you’ll go from being married to your wife to being married to the mother of your children. This is a new chapter for both of you. The more you embrace this transition with compassion, the stronger your family bond will be.

4. Don’t sweat the small stuff—natural birth, no drugs, breastfeeding… none of that will matter as much as a happy, healthy mom and baby. Let go of unnecessary pressure and focus on what’s best for your family’s wellbeing.

5. Sleep matters—you and your wife can’t both be sleep-deprived. One of you will likely need to sleep and work a job outside of the home, while the other needs to wake up with baby. Don’t allow both of you to hit sleep exhaustion. If you can find a night nanny to help some nights or days, then get one!

6. Trust your instincts—every pregnancy and baby is unique. Your perspective, combined with her instincts, is your greatest tool in creating a happy, thriving family.

7. Don’t confuse convenience with health—a lot of early stage parenting advice is about making the parent’s life easier, not about raising a strong, resilient child. Make choices that nurture your child. Strict sleep schedules, letting them cry it out etc can do real harm to nervous systems and sense of safety.

8. “The days are long, but the years are short.” Your baby won’t be a baby forever. Take time to savor each phase—you’ll blink and find yourself with a new little person who needs you in different ways. Cherishing these moments strengthens your connection as a family.

9. Take care of yourself and your relationship. A happy, healthy partnership creates a loving home for your child. Date nights and intentional time together remind you why you started this journey—your love is the foundation of your family.

A scary thought: The Role of the Military in Domestic Affairs

In democracies, the military's involvement in domestic matters is often seen as a last resort, primarily due to a fundamental principle: the military should not interfere in civilian law enforcement. In the U.S., this is enshrined in the Posse Comitatus Act, which limits the military’s use in policing roles. However, exceptions exist, especially when it comes to the National Guard, which operates under a unique dual state-federal mission. This means it can be deployed by state governors for local issues or by the federal government in times of national crisis.

While the Guard’s flexibility is vital in emergencies—whether responding to natural disasters or supporting law enforcement during unrest—its use in politically charged situations poses serious risks. The National Guard's involvement in such events raises key concerns about the erosion of the line between military and civilian law enforcement, and more critically, what happens if it is deployed in a politically divisive crisis.

In the aftermath of a contentious U.S. election, where disputes over legitimacy may lead to mass protests or even civil unrest, the question isn't just about whether the National Guard will be deployed, but by whom—and for what purpose. The complexity of the Guard’s dual mission creates the potential for conflict, especially in a polarized political environment. Governors may assert control over the Guard to protect their states, while the federal government may attempt to federalize it, leading to conflicting orders.

Who's in Charge—and Who's Defending the Constitution?

In a scenario where an election's outcome is contested, tensions could rise between state and federal authorities. States with leadership opposing the federal government may refuse to allow their National Guard units to be federalized, leading to a breakdown in chain of command. Citizens would inevitably question which side is acting in the best interest of the country, and more dangerously, which side is truly defending the Constitution.

Imagine a situation where the Guard is deployed on opposite sides of a dispute: one side enforcing federal directives to suppress unrest, while the other remains loyal to state governors who challenge those directives. In this context, the Guard may find itself in direct confrontation, with questions swirling around who holds legitimate authority.

This fragmentation of authority is where the real danger lies. If both sides claim to be the legitimate defender of democracy, it could escalate into a broader conflict. Citizens, local law enforcement, and even parts of the regular military might be pulled into this struggle, leading to unpredictable and potentially catastrophic outcomes.

Could Civil War Be on the Horizon?

If unrest intensifies and the question of legitimacy remains unresolved, the risk of a deeper national schism grows. The possibility of widespread violent clashes between state and federal forces becomes more real. What starts as pockets of unrest in certain cities could spread as opposing sides entrench themselves, using the National Guard, law enforcement, and militias to further their claims to power.

In a worst-case scenario, this could spiral into a civil war-like situation, with divided loyalties within the military and Guard units across the country. The very structure meant to safeguard the Republic could turn against itself, with forces aligning along ideological or regional lines.

At the heart of the conflict would be a fundamental battle over who is defending the Constitution and the democratic process. With no clear resolution, this kind of crisis could tear the nation apart.

It's all just stories

Most of what you think you know is just a story you’re telling yourself or other people have told you.

This has both horrifying and liberating implications.

In the category of horrifying: It means that most of what you believe is likely entirely fungible, partially or completely objectively false, or, at the very least, a very limited view of the world that is constraining the depth and breadth of your thinking.

In the category of liberating: It means that you can put your stories aside, consider other perspectives, choose different stories or refinements to your story, and completely change your perspective, thoughts, and feelings on everything around you. Perhaps most importantly, you can change your actions and, therefore, your who life.

The problem is, however, truly embracing this reality is terrifying and extremely difficult to do.

This is because…

1. Many of our stories are deeply linked with our identities, or they protect us from uncomfortable (or horrible) truths - so we don’t want to look past them for fear of what we might have to confront.

2. Some stories are almost impossible to see in the same way that it’s impossible for a fish to understand that it lives in water. They are just too intrinsic to the fundamentals of the world as we know them.

However, having a conscious awareness that most of what we think we know and believe are just stories is a superpower.

One way to keep this top of mind and maintain perspective is to add the phrase “I have a story…” to the beginning of most of your assertions about anything. This helps hold your beliefs and comments loosely and keep space to accept helpful alternative narratives.

Weekend thoughts on Gaza...

The collective heartbreak of the last weeks is palpable, stirring deep wells of emotion in all who bear witness.

I see the spectrum of human reaction laid bare.

Palestinians and Israelis, Muslims and Jews, digesting every morsel of news they can - trying to gain understanding amidst the chaos, their eyes glued to screens, hearts aching for clarity.

There are passionate social media activists who are sharing any scrap of content they can, hoping that the world will recognize the agony of their people. They hope against hope for justice, and to win an information war where every share feels like at least they're doing something... anything.

Then there are bystanders, lost in the labyrinth of anguish, attempting to figure out who the heroes from villains in a tale where the lines are blurred by tears and blood.

Private messages fill the backchannels—strong opinions shrouded in silence, muzzled by the fear of cancellation.

A cloak of depression, sadness, and confusion drapes over us all, as we grapple with the sheer scale of suffering and the gnawing sense of injustice that seems to find no end.

Among the chorus of voices, a hard-line faction stands, asserting that any show of empathy towards the opposing side is a dangerous equivalency that aligns you with the perpetrators of war crimes. They paint compassion as a sin with no shade of humanity allowed for the 'other.' Their warnings chill the discourse, threatening to freeze the warmth that empathy might otherwise bring to a landscape scorched by conflict.

Amidst the despair, some cling to a flicker of hope that this time, the tide will turn, that a decisive victory—be it of hearts or of arms—will redraw the future.

As for myself - I find myself tugged in all of these directions.

But not that final one.

I know that no matter what happens, Hamas won't be defeated (as the Israeli government wants), and Israel won't suffer any lasting sentiment shift (as supporters of Palestinians would hope for).

Why?

Because Hamas is the progeny of oppression, thriving on destruction and death. With each fall of rubble, with each loss of life, the roots of future vengeance grow stronger.

Because no matter the volume of marches or the sincerity of those who decry the suffering of Palestinians, the narrative is always shadowed by countering voices, by justifications, and by the unwavering political and military backing of the United States.

It’s a vicious cycle. A negative feedback loop spiraling into decades. If any real change is on the horizon, it will likely be in the form of escalation—towards a conflict that could well spill beyond borders, threatening to engulf not just a region but the world.

All the while, innocent Palestinians and Israelis (And Jews and Muslims around the world) suffer the consequences of the actions of the most extreme among them.

#justice #freedom #gaza

Concerning trends in thinking

I share the following not to call out the individual I spoke to but rather to draw out broader themes that concern me from a single case study…

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I recently had a discussion with a young person who told me about the concept of the “Resource Based Economy” from something called "The Venus Project."

The conversation occurred because he had messaged me, claiming that he had a big idea that he wanted to talk to me about.

He was rightly very distressed about the state of the world. War, hunger, corruption, etc.

Aren’t we all?

He pointed me to the Venus Project video attached below.

According to him, it would be an awesome idea for all of humanity to collectively decide to contribute their resources to a global commons and then have some kind of artificial intelligence allocate those resources as it sees fit. He also advocated for the end of money and politics.

Confused, I asked him, “OK, assuming all of this is true and desirable, what is your idea for a product, service, institution, project, or action that might move us toward this goal?”

His answer “well, I think we first need to change the global operating system and switch to this resource-based economy.”

Here are my concerns with all of the above.

Many people - particularly young people - don’t seem to understand…

1. How to affect change in their environment

His plan to change the world was “Step 1: change the world”. When pressed for an actionable initiative, he seemed very confused.

2. The dangers and history of the old “isms”

It seems to me that very old and very bad ideas are in vogue right now. They just go by new, more palatable names.

The individual I was speaking to even argued that we just need new names and narratives to sell his ideas to everyone.

Concepts like “The Venus Project, “The Resource Based Economy,” and even “Trumpism” or “MAGA” are simply rebranded Socialism or Facism respectively.

Even woke-ism has become - for many - a way to silence or control speech.

Young people are looking at failing democratic processes, and some are wondering why we don’t act in a more unified way, like China.

They don’t understand it’s the institutions that need to be fixed and that democracy is the worst form of government, except for all the others.

They don’t understand that a failure to provide good social programs within a capitalist system is the issue - rather than the fanciful and dangerous idea of abolishing capitalism itself.

They don’t understand that well-regulated global capitalism incentivizes the creation of ever-improving products and services at a scale and scope never before seen in human history.

Also, having resource allocation by AI? Have people not seen iRobot and Westworld?

3. The purpose and value of money as a medium for exchanging value

It’s been a common prevailing feeling that money is the root of all evil.

Money is simply a means to store and transfer value.

I have thoroughly explored ideas of reputation, economies, attention economies, and trading economies. They simply don’t work.

Money enables capitalism and civilization to occur.

Abolishing money would send us back to the stone age.

4. The purpose and value of politics

Differences of opinion and conflict between humans are inevitable.

It is difficult enough to understand oneself and maintain alignment with one’s partner, much less maintain agreement with your neighbor or "tribes" in other lands.

Prior to good functioning political systems and foreign diplomacy, we used to kill neighbors and go to war at the drop of a hat.

Politics is war without guns and bullets.

It allows the debate of ideas and minimizes – to the degree possible - control by a physically powerful minority.

5. Quality content and thinking vs. nonsense

The video below is silly. And yet it captures people's attention. People of all ages and intellects, it seems.

Why?

When there's so much high-quality, deep thinking, it's concerning that many of us can't tell a scam from the truth, true insight from cynicism or magical thinking.

With AI deep-fakes coming fast on the horizon, we are doomed if we can't find a way to educate people to discern fact from fiction. Ground truth from nonsense.

6. Overall, the world is fundamentally getting better all the time.

All the signals of global social cohesion and peace are trending in the right direction.

Of course, there are bumps along the road, but generally speaking, we are in a multi-decade, broad-based slope of improvement.

Very few people seem to know this.

7. I feel old.

Ukraine is Palestine, 60 years ago.

Ukraine is Palestine, 60 years ago.

I’m really glad that the world has come together with moral clarity to defend Ukraine and condemn Russia. Most of the people on the planet have correctly recognized that this is about standing up for justice and freedom.

It’s beautiful and righteous and powerful.

I wonder though. What would happen if…

1. Russia was to occupy Ukraine and essentially turn it into an open-air prison for 50 or 60 years.

2. The Ukrainians become increasingly desperate and are forced to resort to asymmetric warfare (roadside bombs, homemade rockets).

3. Every now and then the Ukrainians mount desperate attempts to make some kind of dent against their military oppressors with surges of violence.

4. Russia massively overreacts to any resistance by bombing huge swaths of Ukrain back to the Stone Age.

Would we all have the same moral clarity?

Would we call Ukrainians “freedom fighters” or “terrorists”? Would we have endless debates on Facebook about who started it?

Maybe some would argue that Ukraine was Russia’s spiritual homeland and they deserve to be there.

Maybe some would argue that the Ukrainians are terrorists and don’t deserve our sympathy.

Maybe some would argue that the Ukrainians should find a more peaceful way to get what they want.

Maybe some would call for normalizing relations with Russia.

Maybe Russia might develop clever narratives that make any criticism of their military policies an act of bigotry.

Maybe our moral clarity will turn to confusion, uncertainty, exhaustion, and silence.

In short, maybe, just maybe, it might look more like the Palestinian and Israeli “conflict”.

Star Trek is the opposite of Star Wars

People love to compare, compete or lump Star Trek and Star Wars together.

It's self-evident that they are totally different from each other.

It struck me this morning, however, how they are actually the polar opposite of each other.

Some examples…

Star Wars is about humans defeating technology using intuition and spirituality. Star Trek is about technology defeating scarcity so that humans can be logical and rational.

Star Wars is about fiercely individual people who reluctantly and temporarily cooperate when their interests align relying on raw talent and luck. Star Trek is about people who pledge loyalty to each other and go through extensive training to work in concert to overcome their obstacles.

Star Wars is about the needs of the individuals (our heroes) outweighing the needs of the many (the empire) - an anti-fascism message. Star Trek is about the tension and balance between the needs of the many and the needs of the one - a message of individual rights and contributions within effective institutions for collective action.

Star Wars is about war. Star Trek is about peace.

Star Wars is about solving problems with weapons. Star Trek is about solving problems with words.

Star Wars is about scientifically impossible things. Star Trek is about scientifically inevitable things.

Star Wars is about scarcity. Star Trek is about abundance.

I like Star Wars. It's fun. But I live Star Trek.

Yes, I'm proudly a nerd who over-thinks this stuff.

What are you afraid of?

What are you afraid of?

Write it down.

Now write down the next bad thing that happens after that. And then what happens after that?

Now write down probabilities of each thing happening on each line.

Now write down the combined probabilities of each thing happening next to that.

Essentially this is a failure funnel.

Now ask which level of failure do you think is likely to occur. Can you live with that outcome?

The answer might surprise you.

Here’s an example for someone afraid to change jobs. The numbers are a stab in the dark. Each person’s guess will be different.

The first number is the likelyhood of that event occurring. The second number is the combined likelyhood of all the things above occurring together.

Changing jobs:

- Failing at ALL the interviews you have (50%)

- Failing to enjoy the new job (20%, 10%)

- Failing to succeed at the new job (20%, 2%)

- Get fired (20%, 0.4%)

- Failing to find another job (20%, 0.08%

- Failing to feed your family (20%, 0.016%)

Now let’s do it in reverse. What about the best case scenarios?

- Get a few job offers (80%)

- Get a better salary offer than the salary you have (80%, 64%)

- Use the better offer to negotiate a better salary from your current job or take the new job (your choice - you don’t even need to do this!) (80%, 51.2%)

- Be happier at your new job (80%, 40.96%)

So 0.016% chance of failing to feed your family and 40.96% of improving your job satisfaction and salary.

Life is about optimizing probabilities.

What are you afraid of?

Silicon Valley vs Australia

I miss Silicon Valley. I love Australia.

They are both awesome. Here are some examples.

Disclaimer: these are my own personal feelings and massive generalizations. They’re also colored by my perspectives and the stage of life I was at in each place. There are variations and exceptions to every rule.

Infinite possibilities vs Safety

In Silicon Valley, it feels like anything is possible. At any moment you could meet someone life-changing, fund something game-changing, have an idea that is revelatory.

In Australia, it feels like everything is safe. You don’t realize how much cognitive load is lifted when you don’t have to worry about banks and insurance companies taking advantage of you, people shooting children in their schools, or retailers selling you toxic things.

Curiosity vs Contentment

In Silicon Valley, everyone is curious about everything. So many discussions are about big ideas and deep explorations. People unpack topics and then unpack them even further - trying to burrow right down into the truth of things. Everything has room for improvement or outright reinvention.

In Australia, everyone is so content with where they are and what’s going on. There’s no need to over-think or ruminate. Just enjoy the scenery and life. You can spend life living instead of dissecting and reinventing. Take a breath. Enjoy!

Speed vs Smelling the roses

In Silicon Valley, everything moves so fast. The actual road speed limit is mostly just a suggestion. Everyone is speeding a little and as long as everyone is speeding the same amount the cops don’t really bother you. You can achieve more in a week than most people achieve in a month. It’s thrilling. It feels like your life can make an outsized impact on the world.

In Australia, everyone is driving under the speed limit. If you’re going 67kph in a 60 zone the automated speed cameras will send you a fine in the mail. Why? Because what’s the rush? Life is good. You get to relax, smell the roses, enjoy the sun, drink a beer, play some sport. Take it easy.

Changing the world vs Living in it

Everyone you meet in Silicon Valley is changing the world in some way. They work on products that affect the lives of millions or billions - if not right now, then maybe one day In the near future. These people are often also passionate about reinventing or pushing forward issues of relationships, race, governance, and other fundamental aspects of society. They’re making a dent in the universe. Nothing is decided.

Most people you meet in Australia are living *in* the world. They are digging stuff out of the ground or selling patches of dirt or fixing plumbing or serving drinks or selling stuff in a store. They are “real” people living with their feet firmly planted in the ground. No silly flights of fancy disconnected from reality. No constant splitting of hairs about the meaning of words or genders or relationships. Everything is pretty simple and straightforward.

Found family vs Actual family

In Silicon Valley, you’re able to piece together your own found family. Incredible people who share your perspectives and priorities. They become like brothers and sisters on your journey to discover and change the world.

My real family is in Australia. Flesh and blood that will always be there for me long after the buzz and hype dies off. They are the people my children must know and grow up with.

Conclusion There are pros and cons to both places.

My life must involve being part of both. I can’t wait for the borders to open up.

Black Widow review

These marvel movies and TV shows are so much better than they need to be.

They are so lovingly made and rewarding to watch.

Just finished watching Black Widow. There’s just too much for me to say in a FB post. The themes and execution are so tight.

Family, sisterhood, fatherhood, male abuse of women, women brain washed to fight each other instead of the men who victimize them, personal narratives… and so much more.

Just wow.

More broadly…

MCU Phase 1: Construct it

MCU Phase 2: Test it

MCU Phase 3: Break it

MCU Phase 4: Deconstruct it

Wandavision, Loki, Black Widow… these are beautiful, intimate character studies that dive so deeply into these wonderful, flawed characters.

These are just supposed to be silly comic book movies.

That’s just my opinion

“I am who I am.”

“Well that’s just my opinion”

Life is a series of opportunities to experience, grow, learn and achieve whatever goals you set for yourself.

If you’re not experiencing, growing, learning or achieving what you want, then a willfully stubborn attachment (or worse, a defeatist surrender) to a static set of behaviors and opinions isn’t brave, confident or effective.

Pay attention, learn, adapt, grow, improve and use your strengths to capture the opportunities you desire.

It’s often no harder than making a choice and adjusting a narrative.

As I age, I think my new narrative has to be about health.

What changes are you going to make starting today?

America, the land of the free.

An essential part of the value I bring to the companies I work with as an external advisor and fractional executive is simply having the emotional and tactical distance from the day-to-day details, people, and politics to see things just a little bit more clearly.

When you have some distance from anything, your perspective changes, and you’re able to see a broader view. This view allows you to see patterns and paths forward that might not be obvious when you’re deep in the details — and in the weeds.

Another thing I’ve had the fortune to get some distance from in the last few years is the United States.

I love the United States. Thanks to the fact that my family owned video stores and watching movies was a family passion. I grew up deeply immersed in — and excited by — American stories and values. As I grew up, I also began to fall in love with America’s innovation, political system, ambition, and hustle.

In my late 20s and most of my 30s, I got to live there. It was a dream come true. The friendships and insights I gained while I lived in Silicon Valley were priceless and will be a part of me forever.

But having returned to my home in Australia, I’ve also had the fortune to get a fresh perspective on US politics and culture.

As I watch with horror, sadness, and disgust at the latest mass domestic terrorism event — this time against Asian Americans — I am struck by a simple fact that is hard to see when you live in California soaking up one political ideology or another.

Liberals will have you believe that some groups are privileged while others are subject to systemic racism. Conservatives will have you believe that we are all individuals and we should just pull ourselves up by our bootstraps.

I’ve actually come to believe that it’s both things. Some groups have been privileged due to historical and intentional assaults on their culture and people. Also, some people are victims of their own ineptitude, laziness, and poverty of mind.

But what really strikes me with the benefit of distance is that, in America, the real problem is neither of these things. The problem is that the individual people — of all races and cultures — are not just victims of each other, but of their government and the ultra-rich.

These oligarchs are sabotaging good governance, civil society, and the general welfare for their own selfish ends. They are raping and pillaging the country. And all the while — both on the left and the right — they are distracting everyday well-meaning people with issues of either identity politics or of conspiracy theories and race-bating.

The real overriding question of America is not whether or not “Whites” are more privileged than “Blacks”. Or if Latin Americans are less privileged than Asian Americans. These are questions of fighting over scraps that fall from the dinner table. More literally, these are the kinds of questions desperate people ask when they are over-worked, underpaid, under-educated, lack healthcare, and are under constant assault by disinformation, distraction, and violence.

The real overriding question is one of core values and priorities for the nation. Specifically, it is — are they a society that will continue to optimize for hyper-efficient allocation of wealth to the wealthy. Or are they a society that will start to re-balance its priorities to provide basic services and quality of life to all people — regardless of race, gender, religion, or socio-economic status?

They need to stop fighting amongst themselves and start fighting to reclaim the country’s soul for pragmatism and core social services.

For without health, you can not be productive. Without productivity and a basic living wage, you can not afford essential services. Without essential services, you will resort to opioids and desperate acts. Desperate acts include suspicion and hatred for others who have a few more scraps than you do. Crime and violence will increase. Extremism will grow. Functioning society will collapse. It’s all connected. All part of a system.

Sadly, I fear the negative feedback loop will be hard to slow or stop at this point. However, as the eternal optimist, I continue to hope that some dramatic (but not violent) incident will turn things around.

As I write and comment about these issues, I’ve been struck by the Americans who accuse me of “running away” or demand — paradoxically — “if you don’t like it, get out of our country”. I imagine some version of these sentiments will likely also be left in the comments below.

The fact is, I didn’t run away. I came home to my family. And if I don’t like it, I will speak out as a friend and ally should.

I’m also struck by those that deflect this kind of analysis by saying that Australia (or other countries) have their own issues. This, of course, is true. However, the interest and focus on America is due — in part — to its importance and leadership in the world. It’s also because of its self-declared manifest destiny. Further, it’s irrelevant to point to others when you are getting advice for your own behavior. Finally, this kind of attitude ignores the truly structural, accelerating, and massive scale of the problems currently facing the US. For example, while Australia has racists — they are not mass-murdering people. While Australia’s government is not perfect, it has not completely ground to a halt. It improves and moves forward at a surprisingly fast pace.

Of course, I truly wish my friends and fellow humans in the US the best. The world needs a strong and vibrant America. It is an essential net good for the world.

My smart house automations

Some #GardenSanctuary smart home features

Me: “Hey google, goodnight”

Google...

1. Front gate and garage are closed

2. Roomba vacuume is sent back to its dock

3. All garden and internal lighting turns red and dim to 20% brightness

4. Bedroom lights are turned off

5. First few meetings of the next day’s schedule are read out

6. Wake up alarm is set

7. “House secured and configured. Good night Chris”

Me: “Hey google, good morning”

Google...

1. Front gate is opened

2. Roomba vacuums the floor 3 days a week

3. All garden and internal accent lights turn bright white

4. Weather is read out

5. First few meetings of the day’s schedule are read out

6. “Good morning, Chris. House configured for a lovely day”

Me: “Hey google, play some music”

Music plays through the house - indoor and out - setting the mood and making everything sound epic.

Automatically at sunset...

All garden and internal accent lights change to lavender.

I love ❤️ technology.

Boundaries vs triggers

Boundaries are very important in life. You must understand, clarify and communicate them to others. Boundaries protect you.

However when ones boundaries are crossed the result should be a clear and rational response.

When “boundaries” create visceral emotional responses they are more aptly described as “triggers”.

Triggers are unhealthy. They are raw nerves. They don’t protect you - they hurt you and others.

Triggers require intentional work in order to dull their control over you and their distructive effects on others. The first step is to identify them explicitly. The next is to let go of the narratives that feed them. It takes time and effort.

In the mean time, try to catch yourself early during an emotional reaction and try your best to eject out as quickly as possible. Making excuses to justify your sensitivities just serves to prolong the process.

#personalperspective

Thoughts on Pixar’s movie “Soul”

Spoilers about the themes of Pixar’s “Soul” to follow...

Most movies of this kind are about “finding your purpose”.

In fact, the first 3/4ths of the movie leads you to believe that’s what it’s about.

The beautiful twist is that “Soul” is actually about living in the moment and savoring life’s simple pleasures. It’s about paying attention and having gratitude.

It even pushes back against the common tendency of admiring highly functional and “successful” people who have their “purpose”.

It really struck a cord with me. As I continue to transition from hustle focused young entrepreneur to family focused middle aged husband and (hopefully one day) father - the little moments are the moments that really matter.

It made me tear up at the end.

I guess this movie also perfectly encapsulates the thing I need to continue to work on in 2021.

Highly recommended.

The themes of Pixar’s Soul

Spoilers about the themes of Pixar’s “Soul” to follow...

Most movies of this kind are about “finding your purpose”.

In fact the first 3/4ths of the movie leads you to believe that’s what it’s about.

The beautiful twist is that “Soul” is actually about living in the moment and savoring life’s simple pleasures. It’s about paying attention and having gratitude.

It even pushes back against the common tendency of admiring highly functional and “successful” people who have their “purpose”.

It really struck a cord with me. As I continue to transition from hustle focused young entrepreneur to family focused middle aged husband and (hopefully one day father) - the little moments are the moments that really matter.

Remember your agency and check your narratives

Regular reminder:

1. You are the only one you can control. Taking maximum accountability for your choices and experiences makes you are an empowered creator of your life instead of a victim.

If someone is hurting you and you do not distance yourself - you are the one to blame. Not them.

2. Your narratives play a big role in the decisions you ultimately make. Being vigilant about pruning or rewriting false narratives or narratives that no longer serve you allows you to write a new, better story.

If you tell yourself comforting lies then you will make ill-informed decisions that undermine your happiness and success.

3. You and your decisions are not immutable. New information will produce new decisions. You get to change your narratives and choices every second of every day.

Who do you want to be tomorrow? Decide on the ideal and work backward from there.

Democrats need to reframe the debate

If I was part of the new Biden administration, the first thing I’d do is release a glossary of terms and policies we believe in - specifically designed to reframe the debate.

I’d tell the extreme left that “We can not make major strides forward if we're arguing amongst ourselves about each issue. Our strategy will be to peruse the art of the possible. Get on board and let’s move the ball down the field. We’re going to start by choosing more inclusive phrases that everyone can get behind.”

I'd tell the extreme right that "Most of what you've heard from your friends and conservative media is a lie. We are not socialists. We are not the enemy. We do not have a secret plan to take away your guns or your healthcare. Listen carefully to our actual words and watch the results of our actions and you will find the truth - the rest is just propaganda designed to make you afraid of real and essential progress."

I’d say...

Instead of “defund the police”, we’re going to “help the police”. Specifically, we’re going to invest more in social services, mental health services, and work with departments to teach de-escalation. Our police deserve to have an entire army of supporting services to help them protect and support our communities.

Instead of “black lives matter” we’re going to say “black lives deserve justice too”. Specifically, we're going to work to ensure our laws and our systems compensate for historical and ongoing injustices that hold back our friends and neighbors from having equal access to liberty and freedom.

Instead of talking about “socialism” we’re going to talk about “progressive values”. Specifically, we’re going to develop a new, gentler capitalism that has clear rules that balance the needs of labor with the needs of corporations and shareholders.

Instead of talking about “big government” vs “small government” we’re going to talk about "smart government" that effectively does what government must do. Protect the nation and protect the most vulnerable from suffering and violence.

Instead of talking about a “minimum wage”, we’re going to talk about “living wage”. Because no one deserves to be a modern-day slave. If you work a full-time job, you should be able to pay your rent and put food on the table.

Instead of talking about “more taxes” and “lower taxes” we’re going to talk about making sure that taxes are fairer and easier to understand and pay.

Instead of talking about “healthcare” and “Obamacare” we’re going to talk about “the right to life”. We believe that people deserve to live without going bankrupt or dying because of profit-hungry insurance companies.

Instead of “left” vs “right”, we’re going to talk about moving "forward" together.

None of this is particularly hard. Many advanced countries have done it before us. But in the last couple of decades, we have been so hell-bent on fighting each-other and fearing our government that we have fallen behind on the essential work of keeping our citizens safe, educated, and healthy. We must work together to catch up and keep up with the rest of the developed world or risk losing the American dream forever.

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That’s how hearts and minds are won. Through language and reframing the argument.

Democrats suck at this. They must get better.

Biden wins! But it's not over.

9/11 was a day of terror the world will never forget. In many ways, Trump’s presidency was (and will likely continue to be for quite some time) a sustained terrorizing of the American and global population for 4 years.

Every day, every tweet, every executive order was a horrifying display of leadership without empathy, courage or concern for the people. Many seemed designed as a tool of psychological warfare. It was a case study for how a system that relied on norms and basic human decency could be abused and contorted to serve the whims of bigotry, selfishness and fear.

Biden is like a healing balm that might take the temperature down. But he is not a cure.

America still suffers from the illness of coronavirus. It still has an electoral college and districting system that suppresses the vote. It’s still filled with undereducated and underpaid people who’s education and social system has failed them - making them sick, desperate and scared. It is still lead - in large part - by disgusting craven men who have no shame, courage or empathy.

This is to say nothing of what Trump and his cult will do next.

I am relieved that Donald is experiencing some nominal consequences for his character and actions over the last four years. But this is not over. Not by a long shot.

Remember your agency. I have not just been "Lucky".

“You won the lottery”. “You’re lucky”. “It’s easy for you.”

These are the some of the phrases that I hear a lot from well-meaning friends and acquaintances. They’re all different ways of saying the same thing. That to them, the aspects of my life that they can see from social media and occasional parties are the result of good fortune.

I thought instead of sharing some good news or political opinions today, I’d, instead, take the time to share some of the hard or intentional things I’ve had to do to get where I am.

I absolutely do not do this for anyone to feel sorry for me or to suggest that my life is harder than someone else’s. I know that I have some incredible baseline privilege in my life. To name just a few: Being a straight man born to great parents in a middle class family, in a relatively safe neighborhood, in a safe and generous country, with relatively few outwardly disabling genetic illnesses.

But I have also faced (and still continue to face) hard decisions and challenges. I want to share just a few of these because it might inspire people to recognize their own agency in the face of adversity.

1. Health: Depending on many factors that change over the course of my life, I have either mild or acute social anxiety that flares on a weekly or even daily basis. This will often result in anything from slight shortness of breath all the way to full-blown panic attacks that make me want to throw up. This has been a significant factor in pretty much all of my movements throughout my life. From simply going to the shopping center all the way to jumping on a plane to go to Silicon Valley or taking on new jobs, having important meetings with clients and of course public speaking. It makes literally everything harder and, I believe, has been a major limiting factor in my career and contentment. Things that might otherwise be happy occasions - like my wedding - were things to dread and situations to manage so that my own mental health wouldn’t get in the way of my happiness and the happiness of my partner and friends.

2. Relationship: Aliya and I have an amazing relationship and we intentionally “love out loud”. That means we are affectionate in public and often post about each other on social media. But any relationship is not easy to create nor is it easy to maintain. For example I was born and raised in Australia and she was born and raised in Pakistan. The result is big cultural differences involving religion, world views and popular culture. These were not just things we had to overcome between each other, but they were also something that deeply concerned her family. We (especially Aliya) had to work very hard to put her family at ease about our relationship before taking it to the next level - right up to and including our wedding day. The differences between us and the concerns from her family were not trivial. We have each had to make incredibly intentional and hard compromises and evolutions to be in each others life. This barely scratches the surface of what it takes to make our amazing relationship work. But we DK all of this because we love each other and we know we are right for each other. We do it because we know anything worthwhile takes intentional effort. Our partnership is not luck. It is a choice that we make every day.

3. Work: While my work and my situation right now is profitable, this is only a recent development. It is the result of constant grinding over 20+ years. I have launched and built countless projects and companies. Each of them has failed to live up to my hopes and expectations in their own way. Up until recently, all of my work has really resulted in very little monetary success. It’s required resilience, grit, consistency, curiosity, optimism, risk-taking, and an enormous force of will (particularly in the face of my anxiety) to keep moving forward and get to where I am. It is exactly this difficult journey that makes it possible for me to relate to - and add value to - the journey of founders and startups today.

This is by no means an exhaustive list. Nor does it go into every difficult detail. Not even close. But I hope these few examples can serve as inspiration to others who feel like they have hard things to deal with or that others people have it easy.

Finally I’d like to say that I am available for anyone who is reading this. If you were going through a tough time and need someone to talk to, I am here!